Chris Pronger was handed the eighth suspension of his career for stomping Vancouver's Ryan Kesler. (CP Images)
Chin up, Chris Pronger. It could be worse.
Your last name could have been Simon.
This is a tale of two guys named Chris. But it could be four, six, eight.
Chris Simon. Chris Pronger. Over time, both to be remembered for playing haki sac with an opponent's leg while wearing skates.
Both to be remembered for being at opposite ends of the pendulum when the iron fist of Colin Campbell came down.
In the hypocritical eyes of the NHL, Pronger's vicious stomp on Vancouver's Ryan Kesler was worth an eight-game vacation. For a similar act, Simon was sent to the sidelines for 30 games.
Whew. I always knew my math skills were bad, but not that bad. For a moment, I thought that difference was 22 games.
What!? It IS 22? To my fifth-grade math teacher, you were wrong. I did amount to something.
The discrepancy in the penalties is startling and, some would say, nothing short of a joke.
If you need a little proof to what a skate blade can do, why not take a look at what happened to Richard Zednik last month.
And don't give me this load about Kesler's borderline hit seconds earlier. Got a problem with a hit, drop the gloves.
Nothing justifies a kick with a skate. Nothing.
To be fair, the suspension handed down to Pronger from NHL disciplinarian Campbell was four or five games more than I thought it would be, simply because of who he is. A star.
It's generally times like this that the term "repeat offender" is bandied about and while Simon's rap sheet may be more malefic, there is no doubt that both players are having a hard time comprehending how to play nice.
Both have now been suspended eight times. The facts, so they say, do not lie. So, there is your repeat offender analogy.
So why does Simon get a suspension about a quarter season longer?
No one can argue the talent level Pronger possesses. You don't win a Norris Trophy by accident. But he ain't no Nik Lidstrom, if you get the hint.
In a two week stretch last spring, Pronger was suspended one game for going headhunting on Tomas Holmstrom during the Western Conference final. A couple of weeks later, he was back to his old tricks, dropping an elbow on Dean McAmmond during the Stanley Cup final to earn another game in the press box.
So, there are two things we know about Pronger. First, he is an elite NHL defenseman.
And secondly, he is one of the dirtiest players around.
Yes, this is a tale of two guys named Chris.
One was thrown to the gallows, the other, by comparison, given a slap on the wrist.
Why?
Because their last names are different.