Ah, it's that time of year once again. Christmas is over and turkeys everywhere - well, save for Gary Bettman and Chris Simon - are breathing sighs of relief.
At least until Thanksgiving.
You have far too many pairs of socks, your liver is shot from holiday cheer and the in-laws have finally left. They must have. No nose hair in the sink.
So now we turn our attention to the New Year. Out with the old, in with the new. Another reason to get plastered and make resolutions that will be snapped sometime before January 5th.
Hey, the hockey world is no different. Here are a few things NHL teams are hoping for as 2008 gets set to barge in:
New Jersey: Resolves to supply all players with high-end car alarms and GPS navigation systems.
New York Rangers: Resolve to continue spending like Rick Tocchet in Vegas. Oh, and hire executives with no sex drive and a little common sense.
John Ferguson, Jr.: Resolves to put out a ridiculous offer sheet for Alexander Ovechkin to lure the flashy Russian to Toronto, costing the Leafs four first round-picks. Of course, this is moot unless George McPhee loses all sense of reason and doesn't match the offer.
The rest of MLSE: Resolves to give strict orders for Ferguson NOT to trade away another first-round pick. Resolution crashes and burns at the trade deadline.
Pittsburgh: Resolves to have Sidney Crosby thawed out by April.
John Tortorella: Resolves to show more restraint with reporters in 2008. Then again, looking at his goaltending situation, I think this one is dead in the water.
Washington: Resolves to have George McPhee step up to the mike in Ottawa and say "With the first overall pick in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft, the Washington Capitals select..."
Detroit: Resolves to trade for Mats Sundin and host another Stanley Cup parade. Enough said.
Nashville: Resolves to continue those staggering attendance numbers, proving without a doubt that they are worthy of an NHL team. Where is Kansas City when you need them?
Vancouver: Resolves to have Roberto Luongo run for mayor. It's what they call a slam-dunk.
Brian Burke: Resolves to call Kevin Lowe a $#!@&* at least once in 2008.
Los Angeles: Resolves that, at some point in 2008, the Kings will...oh, never mind. No one is paying attention anyway.
Happy New Year, everyone, from the gang at Hockey.com.