Gillian Apps, of the Brampton Canadette-Thunder, crashes into Mississauga Chiefs goaltender Sarah Love. Veteran goaltender Sami Jo Small had to sit out of the National Championships due to injury. The Chiefs won the March 15 gold-medal game. (CP Photo)
I wasn't really sure how I'd feel watching the Canadian Team at the Women's World Hockey Championships just recently in Harbin, China. When I got cut from the team for the first time in ten years at the beginning of March, I vowed I'd never watch Team Canada play, let alone cheer for them.
I was angry, I was bitter and I was upset. That was supposed to be my spot, my team and my adventure. After the news I cried, I threw things and I moped, but in the agony something amazing happened.
I tore my MCL.
Well, that's not the amazing part, but I'm getting to that. Three days after receiving the devastating news that I was no longer a part of Team Canada, a player fell on top of me during a league semi-final game. Still angry and bitter I refused to leave the game despite a 90% tear of my MCL. The game was tied and going into overtime and I thought my team needed me! I limped through overtime and we won in a shootout. But that's still not the amazing part.
I went to the doctors the next day and she told me my season was over. Once again, I was bitter, I was angry and I was upset. I cried some more. We were so close to a league championship, to a National Championship and now I get hurt? All I wanted to do was prove to Team Canada they made the wrong choice and to win a National Championship and now I couldn't. I had let my team down.
And that's when an amazing thing happened.
My team went on without me.
I think sometimes in life we secretly hope those around us can't possibly go on without us; that we are not dispensable.
My team, the Mississauga Chiefs, won a National Championship without me. I was dispensable. As the underdogs, they fought and battled without me as I was forced to cheer on the sidelines. Initially, I couldn't feel their happiness through my bitterness, but as I watched some of my best friends struggle through adversity, find the strength within, I realized that they could go on without me and this was a good thing.
I suddenly transitioned and I had to change from teammate to fan. As I screamed my lungs out and banged on the glass, I realized that I cared how my friends did. You don't go through an entire season with a group of women without becoming a close nit group. And more than anything I wanted my friends to do well. I found joy in their success and my first big smile came as I drank from their Championship cup.
So as I sat in my living room with some of my Mississauga teammates screaming at my TV set watching two of our Chiefs teammates and friends a thousand miles away competing and giving it their all, I cared how they did. I knew it would be hard, but I wanted them to win. I cheered my loudest, screamed at the referee and flinched as they took shots on net. I knew they had gone on without me and that this was a good thing, life always goes on, but that doesn't mean we have to stop helping those around us succeed.
Just because I couldn't be in net stopping pucks, I could still be a friend.